Simmering

I've been thinking. I have a year, maybe more, in this house. It's starting to feel like home. There's a well lived in feel. It might just be that there is usually a dish unwashed, toys scattered all over the floor, or that my pillow (and husband) lives here.
It's a good feeling, but at the same time, it's really hard for me. I have ONLY a year, maybe more, here. I want to put down down some kind of roots, but I know I will have to pull them up again shortly, and I will most likely leave parts of my root-y heart here.
I've started meeting people. I've started getting involved in various activities that are becoming routine. I've started enjoying it here. This is a huge step.

I've also been thinking about thinking about how other things besides my location need to change and how, similarly, it will hurt and I might have to leave part of myself behind. It is probably necessary, but I don't really FEEL like I want to do it.

I need to change my view of God. I need to see Him as He truly is, not how I want to see Him. I know I cannot do it on my own, but I realize I need to actually engage in changing my world view.

I need to change my view of my husband. He is a wonderful man, friend, leader, and so on. I need to remember that, and act on it. So often, I find myself taking him for granted. It starts a vicious cycle that just goes rapidly downhill.

I need to change my idea about myself and set some achievable goals. I'm not sure what they would be, but I do NEED to do it. Things like losing 80 pounds would probably be a good idea. I have so many reasons and justifications, but I need to get over it and actively try to change. I need to find my worth firmly seated in God, too. I DO and DO and DO so so so much and put so much stock in it that I forget that GOD has called me HIS OWN, and that is what truly matters.

There are other things simmering in my mind. I guess I'll have to wait and see what kind of mellowed flavors come out this pot of my head.

sdg

Changes

So much is new. Our house, our eating, our everything. Moving has caused upheaval in every realm of our life, save spiritual. God has been faithful and steadfast and for that I am extremely grateful.

We moved a week ago yesterday. Five hours away from our old home, and it seems to be so different. We moved from a sub-rural place to a big city. It's nuts. We went from not being close to anything to being withing 5 minutes from 5 Starbucks! It's definitely stimulation overload. I've lived in a city before, but I think it's a different kind of culture shock going from one part of a province to another. It's strange, because you do not think that there will be much change, but there is - really is. The attitudes and ways of life are so different and in ways that is very hard or almost impossible to articulate at the very beginning.

Life is interesting, and I think we're starting to settle well, but I think there is a lot of emotional baggage that is not unpacked, even if all of our physical boxes are. We'll see how this goes.

Well, pray for us.

In Him,

SDG!

Lasts

I find myself thinking about lasts. For instance today was my last mom's group in my small town! It's crazy to think about it. I've also come to realize I've had my last birthday here, as well as my last snow day and a smattering of other endings.

I'm not depressed, really. I'm just finding things that are important to me where I live now are coming to a close. I'm glad for some of them. I think I am glad for the last time my in-laws say they are working on the house we live in. I will be glad for the last cleaning of my bathroom counter (it pools water from an unknown source and leaves awful mineral deposits). I will be glad for the last weeding of my large garden.

There are others I will grieve when the full force of moving hits me. I will be sad after the last raspberry is picked and eaten. I will be sad at the last time I tuck my son into his crib in his first room. I will be sad for the last time I gaze upon the bright colors I convinced my in-laws/landlords to let me paint with. I will be sad for the last time we hold our small group at our house as well as the prayer group that meets every Sunday night.

There are good and bad things we will be leaving behind. I am hoping and praying to introduce the good things to our lives again as we move from here to the big city. Things like the simplicity (or complication?) of growing all of our own vegetables, or having a space I can call uniquely my own, or setting up a safe place for my son to play.

I am thinking through my lasts, enjoying to the full the positive ones and grieving those that my heart loves.


SDG

Rainy Days

I love rainy days. I think I always have. There is something about them that makes me feel cozy. I also love going for walks in spring rain. Today is an almost a rainy day - it's completely clouded and looking ready to just burst forth into showers.

I have big plans for my son's nap time. I'm hoping to start laundry, bake a cake and read! I love curling up with a nice mug of tea and a good book. Right now I'm reading "At First Sight" by Nicholas Sparks. It's not my favourite book, but it's a good time consumer. I also plan on working on my mother's birthday present of slippers.

I've taken these slippers apart about 6 times so far. I had found a pattern online and followed it perfectly, but it was TINY, so I decided to make up my own pattern, well there seems to be trials and errors all over the place. I think I have it worked out this time and am excited to see the finished project. Perhaps I will add a picture and the pattern to this when I finish.

I hope to pack a little for the upcoming move as well, but I doubt that I'll get that far. It means making decisions about what can be left out and what can be lived with out. Sigh - not that easy for me.

Baby boy, has decided today that he wants to be fairly grumpy. I would be grumpy too if I couldn't get back to sleep at 4AM. First nap went well, second nap I'm praying lasts double what the first did. here's to hoping!

well I should sign off and pay attention to the grump!


SDG

Questions

So often I have a billion questions rolling around in my head.

Right now I've been trying to work through whether or not to self-publish two books, what to pack for our move at the end of August, and a few other more daunting things.

My dear husband is a trooper and tries his hardest to stay awake while I ramble on so I can fall asleep. I find that talking to him helps, even if we do not find answers to questions.

I'm also finding that the more questions I have answered, lately, the more pop up. It's intimidating to have so many unknowns hanging over my head, but I'm also realizing that's where faith steps in.
God is in control of me. He knows my needs, both physical and mental, and even spiritual! It's comforting knowing that I have His strong arms to fall into when it feels like I'm stepping off of cliffs all of the time.

Most recently the question of my son's health has been brought up. He's a little guy and he's been projectile vomiting like there's no tomorrow. It's scary and has many possibilities as to the cause, none of them friendly. We've had two ultrasounds and one barium swallow test, and so far we've ruled out a few of the more scary and potentially fatal things. This is also comforting. On one trip to Edmonton to see the pediatric surgeon my husband and I listened to Otto Koning's Pineapple and Junk story sermons. They are all about giving up our things (including children) to God. When you do that God blesses them...even if it means He takes them home.

Is this the answer to the question of why my son is sick? I don't know. BUT through it all, I'm finding it's going to be okay, no matter what happens.


SDG

Delving Deeper

This post comes as a surprise to me. I would never talk about this, but for some reason, I feel the freedom to admit and freely discuss this.

I have huge issues with self confidence. Not many know it, for I hide it well. I have a strong personality and tend to brush things off easily (at least on a surface level). I have said goodbye so many times I don't even have a count of the people I miss.

Because of those two truths, I tend to over compensate when I make simple mistakes and get *angry*. Usually, it is not over something big, but rather something insignificant. For example, today, I was baking a cake and it broke as it came out of the pan. WHO CARES? I sure did. I exploded into a rage and all but threw the cake across the room. Once I calmed down I had to sit and think what got me so angry about this seemingly innocent event.

I want people to think I am perfect. I want people to know I am perfect, is more like it. The problem with that is, I am not perfect. I am not God. I forget so often. I get angry at myself for things that will show me off as deficient.

I want so deeply to have no flaws, but then, I would not be human. I must learn that grace has been given to me - I do not need to earn favor. I can talk and preach that all I want to others, but as soon as it pertains to me, it's as if I suddenly go deaf.

Things that have happened have shaped me. I will use this as an excuse no longer. I am saved by grace. I am a child of the KING! I need to udnerstand that when I am imperfect it is not the end fo the world, but rather a chance for God to be glorified - he has and will justify me.


a reminder.


SDG

Degrees of Disgusting

My husband and I have invested in cloth diapers for our son. I am glad to say that we love them, and that they are super environmently friendly. I've discovered, through using disposables as well, that they are a lot less disgusting than I had originally thought they would be. I have heard the horror storries of scraping out poop with TP or swishing them in the toilet. While, granted, that is nasty, I find blow-outs infinitely more putrid. Poop on diapers is one thing, poop on everything else...ugh.

I have never had a blow-out with my cloth diapers. One point my son was not changed for a very loooong time and the cover was saturated through and got his clothes wet. That was gross, but again, not a blow out. Two days ago, however, all my darling son wanted to eat was PRUNES. Where he got the love for the dried up plums I will never know, but prunes for supper, snack and dinner was what he ate.

The next day I hear a very loud trumpeting sound coming from the rear of my son. I laughed a little until he gave a little cry, a loud grunt, and beared down to do some business. And by SOME business, I mean he could have owned Wall St. Poop was contained, and I was pleasantly surprised and extremely grateful, yet again, to have my cloth diapers.

Five minutes later, five hundred wipes (or so it seemed), and a new cover and my son was set. Apparently he was set to go...again...and again...AND again. I did not know that a child that small could produce that much fecal matter.

All of the poop that day made me wonder about things that are disgusting. I once even bought my brother a book entitled "That's Disgusting". It had a child looking at different things and proclaiming them disgusting (Putting a booger in your sister's hair...That's disgusting!). I've found that there are degrees of disgusting.

There is the OH gross don't put that in your mouth disgusting things like gum on the bottom of a highschool desk or dustbunnies my son makes from our wool carpet.
Then,I think would be a category called, ugh get that away from me! This would include things like LARGE spiders or petrified pets.
Another category might be *Shudder* and speechless. I think things that would fall under this category is things like falling face first into a fresh cow pattie or a child pooping in the tub and proceeding to eat it (true story...just not about my son).


I'm sure there are others, but I don't want to think through it. i'm disgusted enough.


have a great day!

sdg

A crazy idea?

So, recently, I've been throwing the idea of a cupcake business around in my head. It's kind of like a mental foodfight, but considerably cleaner.
Last night I talked to my dear husband about it, and he doesn't have anything against it...so I'm going to give it a try.

Currently I have three and a half dozen cupcakes in the oven. Two sets of mini and 6 larger cupcakes. I'm going to play with icing colors and ideas on these ones and take about a billion pictures and post them on a website so I can sell them by order. We'll see if this works.
I'm also going to make up posters and put them up around my community and possibly my church or something like that. Facebook world has already heard about the idea and will get innundated with pictures I'm sure.

I'm not sure if this is a great endeavor for hubby and I - our waistlines will probably not be thanking me in the near future. Our tastebuds, sure, but noooot our waists.

If you want to help me out, please let me know what kind of cupcakes are your favourite...and what you would like to see on them.


SDG

I have decided.

A few night ago I was just drifting off to sleep when awful images filled my head. Not wanting to have nightmares because of them, I desperately tried to think of something else. That something else has become my renewed hobby - writing.

I started dreaming up a storyline that would work for a short story. A few days after that night, I actually got out the computer when my baby was sleeping, and started typing away. Two days later I have 6 full pages typed and haven't even really touched on the storyline yet, it seems to all be prologue.

I also was dreaming a little more about the whole idea, talked to my husband about it, and now have a bit of an ambitious plan. You see, my story I have started is about the wife of a magi who visits Mary and Joseph after Christ is born. I have decided to try and write a collection of short stories about women a couple of degrees removed from the Christmas story. I haven't thought through a list of these people yet, but I think it should be fun. Hopefully, it will give me a new perspective of the event that happened so long ago.

I know that I haven't done my research, and I'm not really hoping much will come of the stories other than letting my little family or even some friends enjoy them. We'll see.

Now, I'm off to work on them.


SDG

A Beginning

Perhaps, I have started this because I feel the need to write again.
Perhaps, I have started this because I saw a trend in people blogging again, and did not want to be left behind.
Perhaps, I have started this because I feel the need to have some kind of anals about my life published in some sort of fashion.
Perhaps, I have started this because I saw someone else do it, and it seemed easy enough.
Perhaps, I have started this because I feel I have many interesting happenings in my life.
Perhaps, I have started this because I saw a movie and it inspired me.


Whatever my reason, I have started to blog. Hopefully, I will have the motivation to keep it up to date. Hopefully, I will not bore my readers to sleep. Hopefully, this will not become a bitter raging soapboax, as I have so often seen things like this become.

In all honesty, I'm not sure where this will go, where it has come from, and what will be done with it.

Here's to the unknown!

SDG