Delving Deeper

This post comes as a surprise to me. I would never talk about this, but for some reason, I feel the freedom to admit and freely discuss this.

I have huge issues with self confidence. Not many know it, for I hide it well. I have a strong personality and tend to brush things off easily (at least on a surface level). I have said goodbye so many times I don't even have a count of the people I miss.

Because of those two truths, I tend to over compensate when I make simple mistakes and get *angry*. Usually, it is not over something big, but rather something insignificant. For example, today, I was baking a cake and it broke as it came out of the pan. WHO CARES? I sure did. I exploded into a rage and all but threw the cake across the room. Once I calmed down I had to sit and think what got me so angry about this seemingly innocent event.

I want people to think I am perfect. I want people to know I am perfect, is more like it. The problem with that is, I am not perfect. I am not God. I forget so often. I get angry at myself for things that will show me off as deficient.

I want so deeply to have no flaws, but then, I would not be human. I must learn that grace has been given to me - I do not need to earn favor. I can talk and preach that all I want to others, but as soon as it pertains to me, it's as if I suddenly go deaf.

Things that have happened have shaped me. I will use this as an excuse no longer. I am saved by grace. I am a child of the KING! I need to udnerstand that when I am imperfect it is not the end fo the world, but rather a chance for God to be glorified - he has and will justify me.


a reminder.


SDG