I've been thinking. I have a year, maybe more, in this house. It's starting to feel like home. There's a well lived in feel. It might just be that there is usually a dish unwashed, toys scattered all over the floor, or that my pillow (and husband) lives here.
It's a good feeling, but at the same time, it's really hard for me. I have ONLY a year, maybe more, here. I want to put down down some kind of roots, but I know I will have to pull them up again shortly, and I will most likely leave parts of my root-y heart here.
I've started meeting people. I've started getting involved in various activities that are becoming routine. I've started enjoying it here. This is a huge step.
I've also been thinking about thinking about how other things besides my location need to change and how, similarly, it will hurt and I might have to leave part of myself behind. It is probably necessary, but I don't really FEEL like I want to do it.
I need to change my view of God. I need to see Him as He truly is, not how I want to see Him. I know I cannot do it on my own, but I realize I need to actually engage in changing my world view.
I need to change my view of my husband. He is a wonderful man, friend, leader, and so on. I need to remember that, and act on it. So often, I find myself taking him for granted. It starts a vicious cycle that just goes rapidly downhill.
I need to change my idea about myself and set some achievable goals. I'm not sure what they would be, but I do NEED to do it. Things like losing 80 pounds would probably be a good idea. I have so many reasons and justifications, but I need to get over it and actively try to change. I need to find my worth firmly seated in God, too. I DO and DO and DO so so so much and put so much stock in it that I forget that GOD has called me HIS OWN, and that is what truly matters.
There are other things simmering in my mind. I guess I'll have to wait and see what kind of mellowed flavors come out this pot of my head.
sdg
