Delving Deeper

This post comes as a surprise to me. I would never talk about this, but for some reason, I feel the freedom to admit and freely discuss this.

I have huge issues with self confidence. Not many know it, for I hide it well. I have a strong personality and tend to brush things off easily (at least on a surface level). I have said goodbye so many times I don't even have a count of the people I miss.

Because of those two truths, I tend to over compensate when I make simple mistakes and get *angry*. Usually, it is not over something big, but rather something insignificant. For example, today, I was baking a cake and it broke as it came out of the pan. WHO CARES? I sure did. I exploded into a rage and all but threw the cake across the room. Once I calmed down I had to sit and think what got me so angry about this seemingly innocent event.

I want people to think I am perfect. I want people to know I am perfect, is more like it. The problem with that is, I am not perfect. I am not God. I forget so often. I get angry at myself for things that will show me off as deficient.

I want so deeply to have no flaws, but then, I would not be human. I must learn that grace has been given to me - I do not need to earn favor. I can talk and preach that all I want to others, but as soon as it pertains to me, it's as if I suddenly go deaf.

Things that have happened have shaped me. I will use this as an excuse no longer. I am saved by grace. I am a child of the KING! I need to udnerstand that when I am imperfect it is not the end fo the world, but rather a chance for God to be glorified - he has and will justify me.


a reminder.


SDG

Degrees of Disgusting

My husband and I have invested in cloth diapers for our son. I am glad to say that we love them, and that they are super environmently friendly. I've discovered, through using disposables as well, that they are a lot less disgusting than I had originally thought they would be. I have heard the horror storries of scraping out poop with TP or swishing them in the toilet. While, granted, that is nasty, I find blow-outs infinitely more putrid. Poop on diapers is one thing, poop on everything else...ugh.

I have never had a blow-out with my cloth diapers. One point my son was not changed for a very loooong time and the cover was saturated through and got his clothes wet. That was gross, but again, not a blow out. Two days ago, however, all my darling son wanted to eat was PRUNES. Where he got the love for the dried up plums I will never know, but prunes for supper, snack and dinner was what he ate.

The next day I hear a very loud trumpeting sound coming from the rear of my son. I laughed a little until he gave a little cry, a loud grunt, and beared down to do some business. And by SOME business, I mean he could have owned Wall St. Poop was contained, and I was pleasantly surprised and extremely grateful, yet again, to have my cloth diapers.

Five minutes later, five hundred wipes (or so it seemed), and a new cover and my son was set. Apparently he was set to go...again...and again...AND again. I did not know that a child that small could produce that much fecal matter.

All of the poop that day made me wonder about things that are disgusting. I once even bought my brother a book entitled "That's Disgusting". It had a child looking at different things and proclaiming them disgusting (Putting a booger in your sister's hair...That's disgusting!). I've found that there are degrees of disgusting.

There is the OH gross don't put that in your mouth disgusting things like gum on the bottom of a highschool desk or dustbunnies my son makes from our wool carpet.
Then,I think would be a category called, ugh get that away from me! This would include things like LARGE spiders or petrified pets.
Another category might be *Shudder* and speechless. I think things that would fall under this category is things like falling face first into a fresh cow pattie or a child pooping in the tub and proceeding to eat it (true story...just not about my son).


I'm sure there are others, but I don't want to think through it. i'm disgusted enough.


have a great day!

sdg

A crazy idea?

So, recently, I've been throwing the idea of a cupcake business around in my head. It's kind of like a mental foodfight, but considerably cleaner.
Last night I talked to my dear husband about it, and he doesn't have anything against it...so I'm going to give it a try.

Currently I have three and a half dozen cupcakes in the oven. Two sets of mini and 6 larger cupcakes. I'm going to play with icing colors and ideas on these ones and take about a billion pictures and post them on a website so I can sell them by order. We'll see if this works.
I'm also going to make up posters and put them up around my community and possibly my church or something like that. Facebook world has already heard about the idea and will get innundated with pictures I'm sure.

I'm not sure if this is a great endeavor for hubby and I - our waistlines will probably not be thanking me in the near future. Our tastebuds, sure, but noooot our waists.

If you want to help me out, please let me know what kind of cupcakes are your favourite...and what you would like to see on them.


SDG

I have decided.

A few night ago I was just drifting off to sleep when awful images filled my head. Not wanting to have nightmares because of them, I desperately tried to think of something else. That something else has become my renewed hobby - writing.

I started dreaming up a storyline that would work for a short story. A few days after that night, I actually got out the computer when my baby was sleeping, and started typing away. Two days later I have 6 full pages typed and haven't even really touched on the storyline yet, it seems to all be prologue.

I also was dreaming a little more about the whole idea, talked to my husband about it, and now have a bit of an ambitious plan. You see, my story I have started is about the wife of a magi who visits Mary and Joseph after Christ is born. I have decided to try and write a collection of short stories about women a couple of degrees removed from the Christmas story. I haven't thought through a list of these people yet, but I think it should be fun. Hopefully, it will give me a new perspective of the event that happened so long ago.

I know that I haven't done my research, and I'm not really hoping much will come of the stories other than letting my little family or even some friends enjoy them. We'll see.

Now, I'm off to work on them.


SDG

A Beginning

Perhaps, I have started this because I feel the need to write again.
Perhaps, I have started this because I saw a trend in people blogging again, and did not want to be left behind.
Perhaps, I have started this because I feel the need to have some kind of anals about my life published in some sort of fashion.
Perhaps, I have started this because I saw someone else do it, and it seemed easy enough.
Perhaps, I have started this because I feel I have many interesting happenings in my life.
Perhaps, I have started this because I saw a movie and it inspired me.


Whatever my reason, I have started to blog. Hopefully, I will have the motivation to keep it up to date. Hopefully, I will not bore my readers to sleep. Hopefully, this will not become a bitter raging soapboax, as I have so often seen things like this become.

In all honesty, I'm not sure where this will go, where it has come from, and what will be done with it.

Here's to the unknown!

SDG